When someone dies, most people have about an hour to make a decision they have never made before. What do you send? How large? To the funeral home or to the house? And is it even appropriate?
We have been answering these questions at our Boulevard Saint-Laurent shop since 1993, often by phone, often from someone who is upset and short on time. This guide is the answer we give. It is written for Montreal specifically, because the rules here are shaped by the city we live in: Catholic services on the South Shore, Jewish families in Côte-des-Neiges and Hampstead, and Muslim, Greek, Italian, Portuguese and Haitian communities across the island, each with its own expectations.
The rule that decides almost everything
Funeral flowers follow a quiet hierarchy. The closer you were to the person who died, the more prominent the piece. Getting this wrong is noticed in both directions. A large casket piece from a colleague feels presumptuous, and a small bud vase from a sibling reads as an oversight.
| Your relationship | What is appropriate | Typical range |
|---|---|---|
| Spouse, children, parents, siblings | The casket spray or urn arrangement | $195 to $795 |
| Grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws | A standing tribute or large arrangement | $150 to $395 |
| Close friends | A generous vase arrangement | $100 to $200 |
| Colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances | A vase arrangement or an orchid plant | $65 to $150 |
| A company or team | One arrangement signed by the group | $150 to $300 |
The casket spray belongs to the immediate family
This is the most common mistake. The flowers that rest on or beside the casket are chosen and paid for by the immediate family, meaning the spouse, the children, the parents. If you are not in that circle, you do not order one, however close you felt to the person. Our cream and green casket spray and our classic casket pieces exist for that family, and we build them to the dimensions of the casket.
With cremation now the majority choice in Quebec, the equivalent piece is the urn arrangement, a lower and wider design that frames the urn rather than covering it. The same rule applies: immediate family.
Everyone else sends something that stands on its own
A tall arrangement, a substantial vase piece, or a flowering plant. These are placed around the room during visitation, and they are what the family actually sees, reads the card of, and remembers. A white calla lily arrangement or a white orchid plant is never wrong in a Montreal salon funéraire.
Funeral home or family home?
These are two different gestures, not two addresses for the same one.
To the funeral home, before the visitation begins. This is the formal gesture. It is displayed publicly, it carries your name on a card the family reads, and it says that you were there. Pieces sent here should be self-supporting and designed to be seen from across a room.
To the family home, after the service rather than before. In the days leading up to a funeral the house is chaotic and nobody is home. A bouquet that arrives a week or two later, once the visitors have stopped coming and the silence sets in, is often the one people remember. Send something softer and smaller here, a hand-tied bouquet in a vase rather than a formal tribute.
If you can only do one, and you were not able to attend the service, send to the home. It is the more personal of the two.
Timing, the part people get wrong
The deadline that matters
Casket and urn pieces need 48 hours. We must have the order at least two days before the visitation begins. These are built by hand to size and the flowers are ordered in specially.
- Standing and vase arrangements for the funeral home. Aim for the day before. Same-day is possible if you order by 4 PM Monday to Saturday, or 3 PM on Sunday, but earlier is safer during peak periods.
- Bouquets to the family home. Deliberately late. One to three weeks after the service.
- Always give us the service time, not just the date. A visitation starting at 2 PM and one starting at 7 PM are two different delivery runs.
If the service is today and you have only just found out, call us at 514-844-3233. We can often make it work, and we would rather tell you honestly on the phone than have you discover the problem at checkout.
Colour: white is the safe answer, not the only one
White and green, meaning roses, calla lilies, hydrangeas, lisianthus, orchids and eucalyptus, is the convention for good reason. It reads as respectful in every community in this city, and it sits well in the neutral rooms of a modern funeral complex.
Convention is not obligation. Colour is entirely appropriate when:
- The family has asked for it, or the notice mentions a celebration of life rather than a traditional service.
- The person who died was known for a particular colour, flower or garden. Sending their flower is a form of attention that white never achieves.
- The deceased was young, or a child. Soft colour is gentler here than stark white.
Two cautions. Red roses specifically signal romantic love, which is beautiful from a widow or widower and awkward from a coworker. And in several East Asian traditions white chrysanthemums are the flower of mourning while red is reserved for celebration, so a red arrangement can land badly. When in doubt, ask us. We have delivered to these communities for thirty years.
When flowers are not the right gesture
A florist telling you not to send flowers may seem odd. But sending the wrong thing to a grieving family is worse than sending nothing, and Montreal is diverse enough that this comes up weekly.
Jewish funerals and shiva
Flowers are traditionally not part of Jewish mourning. The custom emphasises simplicity, and decorative elements are generally avoided at the funeral and at the shiva house. We deliver regularly to Paperman & Sons and we know the etiquette. The customary gestures are a donation to a charity in the deceased's name, a kosher food basket for the shiva house, or a handwritten note. Some less traditional families do welcome flowers, so if you are close enough to ask, ask.
Muslim funerals
Islamic tradition also favours simplicity and speed. Burial usually happens within 24 hours, and flowers are generally not sent to the mosque or to the service. Food for the family during the three days of mourning, or a charitable donation, is the expected gesture.
“In lieu of flowers” and « au lieu de fleurs »
This line appears in a growing share of Quebec death notices, and it should be respected. It means the family has chosen a cause. Make the donation. If you still want to acknowledge them personally, a small bouquet sent to the home two or three weeks later, entirely separate from the service, is welcome and does not contradict their wishes.
Ordering from outside Canada
A large share of our sympathy orders come from abroad, from family in Beirut, Athens, Port-au-Prince, Lisbon or Rome, and from adult children in Toronto and New York who cannot get back in time. You order online in English or French, we design the piece here, and it is hand-delivered locally the same day for orders placed before 4 PM Eastern.
What we need from you: the name of the deceased, the funeral home and its address, the date, and the service or visitation time. If you have only a name and a neighbourhood, call us. We know the salons.
The card matters more than the flowers
The arrangement is looked at. The card is kept. Every order from us includes a printed card at no charge, and we would rather you spent your energy on those three sentences than on choosing between two shades of white.
Keep it short. Use the name of the person who died. Avoid saying that everything happens for a reason. If you want to help, be specific about how. Our page of sympathy message examples has more than forty options sorted by relationship if the words will not come.
Frequently asked questions
How much should I spend on funeral flowers?
Match the piece to your relationship rather than to a number. A $65 arrangement from a neighbour is entirely appropriate, while a $65 piece from an only child is not. Most non-family orders we fill for Montreal services fall between $100 and $200.
Can I send flowers if I am not attending the service?
Yes, and it is one of the main reasons people send them. Flowers stand in for you when you cannot be in the room.
Is it too late to send flowers after the funeral?
No. Grief does not end when the service does, and flowers that arrive after everyone else has moved on are often the most appreciated of all.
Should I send flowers to a colleague whose parent died?
Yes. One arrangement from the team, sent to the funeral home, signed with the group's name. If you were personally close, send something separately to their home afterwards.
What do I write on the delivery details?
The name of the deceased on the first line, the funeral home and address as the delivery address, and the service time on the second line. Full instructions are on our funeral flower delivery page.
If you are unsure, call us
There is no wrong question here, and you will not be sold something you do not need. Our florists have delivered to every major funeral home in Montreal, Laval and the South Shore, including Memoria, Urgel Bourgie, Magnus Poirier, Yves Légaré and Collins Clarke, and we can tell you in thirty seconds what is customary for the service you are attending.
Browse our Sympathy & Funeral collection, see the funeral homes we deliver to, or call 514-844-3233. Seven days a week, from our shop on Boulevard Saint-Laurent.
